Our brain uses its own shorthand to help us negotiate life. It categorizes people, places, events, etc. as life enhancing or life-threatening based on its initial encounters with them in childhood or adolescence. As adults, we’re able to delete them from one category and add them to another. Imagine doing this with how you think about “fat.” Say as a school-age child, your first encounter with body fat is that your family thinks you’re adorable…

Read More Recategorize “Fat” in Your Brain

There’s a big difference between pushing ourselves forward and being pulled toward the future, our goals, or our passions. Can you sense the difference? I’m known among my clients for pestering them about their use of words like “should,” “shouldn’t,” and “need to” in making choices and I’ve written about these external motivators in articles, books and blogs. When we use these words, we’re generating an outside pressure on ourselves to do something. When we…

Read More Pushing or Being Pulled Forward

“Be honest with me.” At one time or another those 4 words have been directed to all of us by a parent, a sibling, a friend, a lover, a spouse – maybe even a teacher or boss.  And, if you’re like me, you’ve probably said them a time or two (thousand) yourself to some of those folks I just mentioned or, perhaps, to one of your children.  But, the older I get, the more convinced…

Read More Perception Is Reality – The Importance Of Validating Your Loved One’s Emerging Voice

What Ed doesn't know won't kill him. But what we don't know just might kill us. If we don't know that we can, will, are even now surviving what is potentially the toughest challenge life will ever hand us – on any level – then our efforts will forever stay at half mast. We can fight all we want. But if we don't REALIZE that we are fighting – if we don't see what we…

Read More Focusing on the Facts

Setting realistic expectations during the recovery process–and accepting what that reality means for recovery–particularly early recovery–can be a challenging and humbling experience. Many of us in recovery/recovered (interchangeable for me) were very used to setting or having set high expectations in our lives prior to recovery–and they were realistic in the sense that it was normal to expect to be above the crowd who thought that being average or just doing your best was acceptable.…

Read More Setting Realistic Expectations

One of the more difficult aspects of loving someone battling an eating disorder is dealing with inevitable instances in which the so-called “eating disorder voice” begins spewing the abusive, hyper-critical and demeaning comments that it typically bombards your loved one with at others, usually those who love the sufferer the most.  Several months ago, I was privileged to co-moderate an eating disorder webinar for parents.  During the question and answer period, I  was asked how…

Read More Absorbing The Body Blows Of The Eating Disorder Voice