2 Comments

  1. Sharee said:

    Please don’t publish this, I just wanted to say how beautifully written was a life so devastated. It had me in tears for I could relate so well, right down to the 8 years old. I know I have work to do in the healing of this little girl, but I am so afraid- i’m afraid I will drown in my own despair. How did you do it? I have a wonderful therapist who i’m working through all of this with, but I am not ready to get in touch with this so deeply wounded part of myself (and know I will never be ready). Were you able to work through this on an OP basis? I do not have a supportive network of ‘others’ to lean on- it has taken me 2 years of being with this current psychologist to start to feel as though just maybe I could trust her enough to become vulnerable, yet have not done so. I do not know how to let down the walls of protection to reach inward. I am 37yrs old and have two daughters of my own, and more than anything wish to present a whole and authentic woman to them yet fear keeps me bound; the voice of self-protection is still so loud. I am almost prepared to do anything to facilitate this healing however, if only there were something/somewhere/someone who could help.

    April 5, 2016
    Reply
    • Sharee — I’m glad this piece touched you. Since you asked, I did this part of ‘my work’ long after my ED sxs were resolved, and many years into therapy with the same therapist (took me a long time to trust her enough to be my most vulnerable raw self). Being a mother myself of three children and going through so much chaos as a child really brought all of that up to the surface. I am blessed that I had a therapist who was willing to work with me through this challenging time. I saw her often, sometimes more than once a week during this part of my treatment, as I often felt untethered, and I really needed the proximity. Looking back I’m grateful that I went through the process, but I will tell you it was much more manageable given I was no longer so dysregulated by my eating disorder. I hope this helps. All the best to you!!! Warmly, Angie

      April 7, 2016
      Reply

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